[voice test]

[theprettymarine]

Billy didn't know how to name the feeling he had when Frank married Maria. He was happy for his friend, for both of them. He did everything a best man was supposed to do, and then some, because he would be damned if Frank didn't have a decent wedding, even if it was a rush job. Because Maria was pregnant. But Frank was happy and that was what mattered.

But something did shift in him as he watched his friend take his vows. No one sticks around. Maybe that wasn't totally fair - Frank was his brother, they were Marines, and they would share things that no one else did, and that was okay. He didn't need anything else from Frank. He didn't deserve anything else.

They had some leave before their first deployment, which was how Frank managed to get married at all. And after Frank resurfaced from his brief honeymoon, Billy was happy to meet him for drinks.

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[theprettymarine]

"Oh, fuck," he gasped when Frank's tongue teased over his hole. His hips jumped and he could feel the mark Frank left throb faintly. Whatever he'd been expecting, it hadn't been this. He moaned and tried to get his knees up under him, tried to give Frank more room, or more ease, or--

Maybe it'd be better if he stayed down, but he kept his thighs spread as Frank worked and he swore his cock tried to wake back up.

[onebatch_twobatch]

Frank grabbed at him, gripped tight, and dug his thumb in against the meat of his ass. He groaned softly as he worked at his hole. But Billy was squirming and moving, and Frank wanted him easy.

He shushed against his skin gently, really pressed into eating him out between the soft, soothing sound.

[theprettymarine]

Frank's hands were perfect on his hips, digging in against him in a way he knew would leave bruises. He'd see Frank's fingers all over him tomorrow.

And that fucking shushing - that sound haunted his wet dreams, ever since Frank first did it in some corner of the barracks.

His tongue felt good, and Billy was intimately fucking aware of the fact that they'd just gone bareback and he'd been real into it. And now-- now Frank's tongue was in his ass, cleaning him, eating him the fuck out and he was going to get hard again if he kept this up.

[onebatch_twobatch]

Even after Billy was cleaned out, Frank lingered on him, licking and sucking obscenely, until the next time that he looked at him he was all pink and slick and completely obscene to look at. He flushed a little. He'd never really been good at filthy talk, but looking at Billy's ass like that conjured all sorts of pornographic filth to his mind.

He sighed and rested his forehead against Billy's hip for a moment.

[theprettymarine]

Bill just tried to remember how to breathe when Frank finally stopped. He moved his hips, just slightly, then gave up when he felt the weight of Frank's head against him.

"Fuck," he sighed, finally remembering how to make words happen.

[onebatch_twobatch]

"Hey," Frank breathed, a sigh of the noise, and laughed a little bit as Billy sort of croaked out his words gently. He was practically shaking, practically coming apart at the seams. Frank took pity on him, but didn't move up just yet. He kissed his hip gently. "You doin' okay there, Bill? You need to go back to sleep for a hot minute?"

[theprettymarine]

"Fuck you," he breathed, almost a laugh. Billy moved, like he meant to roll over, but then gave up on the idea and stayed as he was, just breathing.

"Fuck, I think I'm half-hard again," he mumbled into a pillow, a grin in his voice as he enjoyed the feeling of Frank's weight on him.

[onebatch_twobatch]

"You did," Frank pointed out, sort of quietly gleeful. He slid up Billy's body, nuzzled against the nape of his neck as he laid there, face down in the pillows, and gave him a sort of sympathetic noise. "And I did. Twice."

He pressed a kiss to his skin. Billy was definitely more than half-hard. "You want some help with that? Or maybe I should just roll over and let you get nasty, huh?"

[theprettymarine]

He laughed, still dazed. "Gimme a minute, man." He turned his head to try and look at Frank, a lazy grin on his face. God, Frank looked amazing, and he fucking ached for him.

"Jesus, where the hell you learn to do that?"

[onebatch_twobatch]

"I have to have some secrets, don't I?" Frank teased. He cupped Billy's chin and kissed him tenderly, holding him in close as he kisses on him and tangles up as intimately as he ever has with Maria.

Softly, into the quiet space between them, Frank said simply, "I wasn't picky about who I was fooling around with as a kid. The pastor and my folks went off about all the fun shit being a sin, and that just made me want to do it more. Just because I'd never fucked until Maria and you doesn't mean I wasn't doing other shit."

[theprettymarine]

Billy just rolled his eyes and smiled under Frank's kisses. It felt good to be held, and he hated the quiet part of him whispering that it wouldn't last. He'll leave you, too.

He huffed a quiet laugh at the idea of little Frank Castle touching dicks to piss off God. Billy nudged their foreheads together.

"Yeah, me and God haven't been on speaking terms since before puberty. After that I didn't really give a shit who said anything was right or wrong."

[onebatch_twobatch]

“I wouldn’t say I’m on speaking terms either,” Frank said. Hadn’t been for a while. Arguing terms, definitely. Fighting terms. They were the same terms he’d had with his old man, so maybe that was kind if fitting.

Frank ran his fingers over Billy’s cheek and jawline gently. His eyes went, momentarily, to the knot of scarring on Billy’s shoulder that they did not talk about, and then came back up.

[theprettymarine]

Billy saw the way Frank looked at his shoulder. They were too close for him not to notice.

"You've never asked," he said quietly. Other people had, plenty, but Billy never really gave them an answer. Or, if he did, it was vague at best. Childhood injury.

[onebatch_twobatch]

“Would you say if I did, Bill?” Frank asked, and it was an honest, soft question in this honest, soft space. He held him gently, close. He wanted Billy to trust him, but he knew what a terrifying thing that was sometimes.

“Sometimes people need their secrets,” he said. “Won’t make you give yours up if you need to keep it. But yeah. I’m asking about it, if you’re willing to tell.”

[theprettymarine]

Billy was quiet for a long moment, like he changed his mind about answering. But eventually he wet his lips, and he looked at a space between them, a thousand yards away.

"I was in group homes when I couldn't get into foster care. There was a guy that would come around, a volunteer. He'd play pick up games with us, we all thought he was so cool. I guess I was ten, eleven."

He paused; the corner of his mouth twitched, almost like a smile, but there was nothing behind it.

"When a grown man tells you you're pretty, you know there's nothing good coming next." He pulled away a little, rolled onto his back so he could stare at the ceiling. "I went after him with a stickball bat. He got pissed off, broke my arm. Ripped my rotator cuff in three places."

[onebatch_twobatch]

Frank thought of all the times he’d called Billy pretty since they’d met, all the times he’d called Billy pretty that night, and he felt a little sick with himself, a little mad that he couldn’t just cut that shit out. He thought of Billy, Billy eight or ten years ago and what he must have looked like then, and Frank could feel his face do something, this wrinkle in his nose.

He was mad at a man he was never going to meet or see. Furious. Ferociously, insidiously angry that some son of a bitch had thought he could put his hands—not just on Billy Russo, but on a child. It hurt because it was Billy, because he could look at him being far away and he could see the scars and he could feel him pulling back, but it made him mad because it had happened to a child.

“Jesus,” he said, because what else was he supposed to say? Then, viciously and because he couldn’t help himself, he growled, “I hope he fell on the third rail and fuckin’ fried.”

[theprettymarine]

He couldn't bring himself to look over at Frank while he processed everything he'd just heard. He didn't want to see judgment there, or worse, pity. He didn't want Frank to pity him. He didn't want anyone to pity him.

Billy huffed a laugh but there wasn't any humor behind it. He could practically feel Frank's rage simmering next to him. That was the only thing that made him glance over, daring eye contact again.

"Wish I could, man. I don't know what the fuck ever happened to him."

[onebatch_twobatch]

"Maybe better than knowing," Frank said. He wasn't not looking at Billy, but he was trying to give him space, now, as much as he could. He felt guilty for still feeling hot for him. He hated himself a little bit, and felt awful and guilty that he was taking away from Billy's pain.

He looked at him then, eye to eye, and ran his fingers over Billy's profile, along his cheek and down to his jaw. He leaned in and kissed his forehead.

[theprettymarine]

"Don't--" He didn't know what he meant to say, at first, as Frank touched him. So he tried another laugh.

"That uh, completely kill whatever this is?" he asked as he gestured between them, trying desperately to make light. Because he couldn't cope with the idea that revealing this thing might have scared Frank off, or might have changed the way Frank looked at him.

[onebatch_twobatch]

"I mean, it sort of cold showered the moment," Frank said, and managed a tiny, strained sort of laugh, somewhere deep in his chest. He had his hand on Billy's jaw and he didn't move it, because moving it felt like a confirmation of all their worst fears--fears that he could see in Billy's eyes, and fears that Frank didn't know he had or how to voice.

He was quiet a moment. He wasn't good with words, especially not about important things, and this was an important thing. When he spoke, it was sort of fumbling.

"You tell me if I fuck it up. If I make you feel...you know, if things are too much. And I can stop calling you pretty and shit, yeah? Just--I'm dumb as shit, Bill, you know. I'm dumb as a fuckin' rock, you gotta tell me."

[theprettymarine]

Billy thought about it. He thought about the way that word made him feel - vulnerable and helpless and in pain - but he thought of the way Frank made him feel, too. Maybe he could get over it, get past it.

"You can call me pretty, Frankie. And I'll tell you if I can't take it." Because they could do that, right? If he said it was fine now and changed his mind later, Frank Castle wasn't an asshole.

Billy turned toward him, looked at him. He cracked a little grin. "You're not that stupid, Frank Castle. I know that cause Maria wouldn't've fuckin married a total dumbass and I wouldn't be trying to have conversations with you if you were."

[onebatch_twobatch]

"Maria's the one that likes to remind me what a complete dumbass I am," Frank pointed out, smitten smile living around his eyes, because it was the truth.

He leaned his forehead against Billy's and was quiet for a long time, just breathing, letting all this weight and heaviness settle. Things did not feel imminently changed. He did not feel like Billy was more fragile, like he needed to be handled differently. Really, all he felt like was finding some kiddie-touching asshole and tearing him to pieces, just absolutely destroying him.

Frank smudged his thumb against Billy's cheek, almost to his nose. He tilted slightly and brushed his mouth, chaste, against Billy's. "Love you." It was barely a whisper of the words, but it felt noisy in the quiet of the apartment.

[theprettymarine]

Hearing it knocked the air out of him. Billy didn't know how to respond, because for so long he'd told himself those words mean fuck all. They come from parents who abandon him or people that want to hurt him or get something from him. But Frank wasn't like any of them, and he knew that

But he still didn't know what to do with those words. He'd been protecting himself from them for a long time.

So he smiled, weak and vulnerable as it was, and tried to laugh. He wanted to make a joke but he couldn't. He couldn't bring himself to cheapen what Frank just gave him. So he touched their heads together and gave Frank a quiet kiss. It was the best he could do.

[onebatch_twobatch]

It was not a silence of rejection, and so Frank did not recoil or laugh it off or just to smother it. He took the weight and the quiet and held onto it, tucked it gently away. He'd rushed, maybe. Billy wasn't prepared. But he hadn't pushed back.

Frank shifted his arms slightly, pushed Billy bodily to adjust them so he could hold him more comfortably. Billy was taller than him but that didn't matter; he was going to hold him close and put Billy's head on his chest, and Billy was just going to have to deal with it.

"Go to sleep, baby," he murmured. "It's been a long night. I'll still be here when you wake up."

[theprettymarine]

Billy let Frank pull him into place wherever he wanted him. It felt good to rest on his chest, to be held. Frank was bigger than him, even if Billy was taller, and it didn't feel like a threat. It just felt safe. He let himself have that.

"You better be," he said quietly. "Even if I have fuck all for breakfast."